“How was your day?” A question asked and answered everyday by millions of people everywhere. The stock answer is, “Good, how was yours?” But what makes a day, any day, a good day? There are so many variables; So much “stuff” that life throws at us without our consent or control that determines if the day is to be great, good, bad or terrible. In an instant, a great day can become a bad one BUT that also means that the opposite can happen! You’re in the midst of a terrible day and one simple thing – a note, a call, a text, a picture, a memory – turns it all around and suddenly today, this day, was a good day.
For me, and I speak for me only, a good day is comprised of what did and did NOT happen. I am most definitely uplifted when I’m able to communicate with friends and family, see my children, share a special moment with my husband or kiss my grandbaby. All of these things or any one of these things can happen and I would want to describe my day as not just good but great!
Yet, there is this dark heavy blanket over all of it. That blanket carries all of what did not happen. I did not have to go to the hospital. I did not have to suffer for hours with pain and/or nausea. I did not beg for mercy from the universe to make the suffering stop. I did not pray with every cell or fiber of my being for Jesus to take me and make it all stop. I did not have those feelings and thoughts that have never been uttered. It’s a really good (dare I say it) great day if these things do not happen.
I continue to work on my mental health so that I’m able to accept the discomfort and just plain hurt that MS and the effects of gastric cancer have and continue to bring into my life. I have realized that I HAVE to choose to see it as a good day and I HAVE to do a little (itty-bitty really) bit of work to see it as a great day. My dark heavy blanket still has weight. (A weighted blanket is supposed to help you sleep tight, right?) But, I choose to move the weight to the good that did happen and then, simply put, the good outweighs the bad.
That does not mean there are not bad days. Nor does it mean that there are not really bad minutes and/or hours in my everyday. The days where I cannot get out of bed except to use the bathroom are still here. The days where the MS-induced insomnia keeps me up until 5 a.m. continue to stay with me. But what is also with me is my ability to slide the scale toward the good and look forward to the days when the scale slides to great.
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